Poll

Where is the best place for this topic?

Right here - received 7 votes
0 (0%)
Somewhere else [suggestions welcome] - 3 votes
0 (0%)
This one's just for me (the OP) so I can see the results
0 (0%)

Votes: 0

Author Topic: Calling all men

Calling all men
« Reply #20 on: February 28, 2024 »
Another related issue is less 'strangers' and more 'more-familiar' men, the phenomenon that if you are even slightly friendly to some-men, they interpret that as a lot more than basic social chat or whatever. This is another reason why some women will avoid giving any sign of pleasantness to a man they don't know well or don't have verified somehow (e.g. social group validation) as not-creepy.

As a teenager I didn't get outright creeped at much, but I got a lot of young men interpreting basic social civility as a lot more than it was. Upon correcting their misapprehension, some of these young men would behave shittily. I had a stalker for a year at college from this. A lad who I'd made friends with on a trip, he'd interpreted more than just trip-friends (con buddies) as his male friend similarly misunderstood my female friend. As soon as we realised, my friend and I paired up to keep our distance cos former-buddy and his friend suddenly become creepy and entitled and angry with us. Former buddy then proceeded to stare at me creepily at every opportunity for the rest of the year till he left the college. Very unpleasant and would make some of my friends not want to sit with me cos they felt so uncomfortable.

I eventually learned to limit social niceness to men in general and be very clear from the start "not interested". It did help once I had a boyfriend, as I became "someone else's territory" in that nasty sexist ownership kind of way, and my ex was Rather Big And Tall which tended to put creeps off. Sadly having a female partner doesn't work, too many men "get off on that" and will routinely ask queer women for threesomes etc (cos sex aint real without a mighty dick and all that) and not understand how fucking gross that is either.

As ever with sexism/misogyny, there's layers on layers and it intersects with other things like race, class, physical appearance, disability, social class, perceived social status and so on.

Calling all men
« Reply #21 on: February 28, 2024 »
Last Sunday I stopped to let a horse pass (other direction I wasn't that slow). Stopped and had a long conversation with the woman on horseback. Maybe she felt safer because she was on a horse? A lot of female cyclists passed in the opposite direction too but only a friendly wave, we didn't stop to talk.

Calling all men
« Reply #22 on: February 28, 2024 »
I would say being on a horse is a good position for a woman to 'risk' random chat with a strange man. She can move-off more easily.

sam

Calling all men
« Reply #23 on: February 28, 2024 »

Calling all men
« Reply #24 on: February 28, 2024 »
Is it different if you're cycling? I often stop and talk to others (both sexes) when walking the dogs. Does the other person assume that if you're dog walking you must be local?

Calling all men
« Reply #25 on: February 28, 2024 »
I think dogs change the dynamic a lot, many women feel a lot safer with a dog as I believe men are actually less likely to do the creepery thing to a woman with canine.

Calling all men
« Reply #26 on: February 28, 2024 »
Quote from: barakta
I think dogs change the dynamic a lot, many women feel a lot safer with a dog as I believe men are actually less likely to do the creepery thing to a woman with canine.

I'm referring more to me with dogs than the woman having dogs - is that different?

Calling all men
« Reply #27 on: February 28, 2024 »
I don't know about man+dog + woman without dog. I don't really know much about dogwalking and indeed I tend to do stuff that other women freak out about cos risk-creep and I don't pay the woman-tax typically.

sam

Calling all men
« Reply #28 on: February 28, 2024 »
Reporting back on my experience at Mumsnet's AIBU:

OMFG.

I've posted there before, started threads over the years, and figured I could handle it. I've been on the receiving end of plenty of abuse. It's fine. In fact, bring it on: grist for the mill.

Turns out I didn't know what abuse was. It's mischaracterising, lying, twisting, and utter madness. It's a feeding frenzy. It's a blessed relief to step away from, repeating "grist for the mill" to myself with hollow laughter. It's boundary defining, when I wouldn't have minded a little mystery on that score. It's a complete waste of my time.



Bike Forums was the sweetest,[1] lightest,[2] fluffiest[3] piece of cake[4] in comparison.

Same links but in handy list format:
1. https://www.bikeforums.net/23163872-post15.html
2. https://www.bikeforums.net/23164230-post31.html
3. https://www.bikeforums.net/23164237-post32.html
4. https://www.bikeforums.net/23164250-post34.html

on edit:
I've caught some flak for interrupting a person while they're exercising. Happy to admit I could have been more clear in my OP: "She'd been running" to me was past tense, but can be read as she was in the middle of running.

Calling all men
« Reply #29 on: February 28, 2024 »
Quote from: IanDG
Quote from: barakta
I think dogs change the dynamic a lot, many women feel a lot safer with a dog as I believe men are actually less likely to do the creepery thing to a woman with canine.
I'm referring more to me with dogs than the woman having dogs - is that different?

Depends on the man. Depends on the dog. Depends on the woman's confidence with dogs. Some middle aged bloke in a hiking jacket with a pair of muddy spaniels? Sure. A Callow Youth [TM] with a an XL bully on a short chain? Not on your life, and I'm good with dogs. Mostly that is the man's fault, not the dog's, though.